Searing Stares
“Turn Your gaze away from me, that I may smile again before I depart and am no more.” Psalm 39:13
Turn Your Gaze Away – Once more we encounter the Hebrew verb sha’ah. Now it’s translated “turn away.” Of course, we know that this is a nuance of the basic meaning of looking upon. But now we see another part of the picture. God may look with favor on a sacrifice given from a heart of devotion, but the intensity of His stare at me when I am mortally aware of my unworthiness is devastating. David cries out in his distress, “God, don’t look at me like this. I can’t take it. Your gaze destroys me because I see how unholy I am in Your presence. Just turn away so that I can smile once more before I die.”
Of course, those feelings of devastation and remorse are part of repentance. They belong to the forgiveness process. Until I am aware of my lack of holiness, I don’t really understand the nature of my sin. This nuance is crucial in understanding what happens with Cain. David is a believer, an active follower of the One True God. Because he believes, he is committed to a heart of obedience and that means that when his behaviors are revealed as sins, he is acutely aware of the personal disintegration that results. He feels sorrow, an inward burning, reproach, reproof, sickness and tears. But Cain doesn’t!
The difference between a man or woman who has begun the journey in the Kingdom is most clearly seen when it comes to sinful behavior. Those who are citizens of the Kingdom get sick when sin is present in their lives. Those who are not citizens of the Kingdom appear to be immune. They do not experience soul-sickness. They just get mad. Now you know why the things that make you ill don’t seem to have any affect on others. Not all who call themselves citizens know what it means to experience unholiness symptoms. God’s searing stare causes grief and nausea for those who know His grace. They can’t run because they are committed to Him. They can’t hide because they know His presence. They just feel terrible until they are ready to make an appointment with the divine doctor. But those who are not on the path don’t feel these symptoms. They don’t serve a living God so they don’t know when they are out of alignment. If they have any emotions at all, they feel anger. “Why should God’s rules interfere with my life?” They are following Cain, and Cain’s only complaint was not about his regret but about the unfair punishment he was to suffer. Cain’s god was himself.
Not all illness is soul illness, of course. In a broken world, there are plenty of nasty bugs running around. Just ask my friend Patrick. He discovered that fact in Guatemala. But every true believer knows the difference. In broken-world illness, God still delivers comfort and peace. In soul-sickness, there is no relief until we take 800 milligrams of repentance. Do you want to know if you’re on the path? Observe how you feel the next time you fall out of alignment. The pathways of Cain and Abel go in opposite directions. You’ll know the difference soon enough.
Topical Index: Sin
