Bearing the Consequences
Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 NASB
Bear – Can you really bear the burden of another? Ah, you’ll probably answer, “Yes, of course.” But what if the burden is something uncomfortable? What if it’s not the usual financial, medical, social kind of needs that we so often pray about? What if the burden is a deep, emotionally loaded secret? What if the burden is shame? Could you bear that?
Let’s see.
“Tolerance for disappointment, determination, and a belief in self are the heart of hope.”[1] If this is true, what do you do for the person who has little or no tolerance for disappointment? Who lacks determination? Who does not believe in himself? Aren’t those burdens of far more import than a lack of funds? What if I told you about someone I know who wavers, who fights to stay on the path but sometimes fails, who might even believe that the attempt to remain true is impossible? What if I told you about someone whose past emotional trauma has undermined hope? What if I told you about someone who is characterized by Paul’s deplorable elucidation in Romans 7? And what if I told you about a person whose internal conflict erupts in self-destructive behavior that ushers in a tsunami of shame? What if merely being with such a person would most likely result in your own loss of reputation? What if you became a leper by association?
How would you bear that kind of burden? Would you be willing to lose your fine standing, your social acceptance, your pristine image by involvement with this kind of burden-bearing? Before you answer, consider this:
“When we choose to be true to ourselves, the people around us will struggle to make sense of how and why we are changing. Partners and children might feel fearful and unsure about the changes they’re seeing. Friends and family may worry about how our authenticity practice will affect them and our relationships with them.”[2]
Bearing psychological burdens creates social pariahs. In a Greco-Roman world, associating with someone who is “losing it” is often viewed as infectious. Truly bearing burdens means standing in the other’s shoes, and sometimes those shoes are in very dark and lonely places. Sometimes bearing a burden means being afraid of what might happen with too much empathy. Perhaps that’s why Paul addresses the community. Perhaps it’s just too much to try to be the noble Greek individual. If my attempt to rescue you means that I get lost, nothing has been gained.
Topical Index: bear, burden, Brené Brown, Galatians 6:2
[1] Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection, p. 66.
[2] Ibid., p. 51.
A CRY FOR HELP: Many of you know my youngest son, Michael. I got an email today saying that he was admitted to the hospital with blood clots in his leg after surgery. Please pray for him! Thanks.
I’m still praying for Michael.
I wanted to add another comment about bearing the guilt of sin. Bearing an emotionally loaded topic is hard enough all by yourself. The only people who can responsibly bear something really bad is one who has repeatedly committed serious sin; who knows the struggle of Romans 7; and has finally overcome. The problem is, you don’t know who’s done that; you don’t know who you can trust. You don’t want your dirty laundry hung out to dry yet you want permanent deliverance. It seems natural to go to unload in an anonymous setting; you don’t expect condemnation there and you’ve at least divulged your secret. This makes you feel temporarily relieved of the burden. Yes, the guilt of sin is a very heavy burden. Unfortunately, the struggle of Romans 7 is most likely to remain. I know; I’ve been there despite sincerely repenting multiple times. I couldn’t break this cycle all by myself. I kept giving in. I literally had to write down/name my struggles and literally nail this piece of paper to a wooden cross at a revival meeting, and ask God to deliver me from my sin. It was only then that I experienced deliverance to the point I could begin to overcome the problem. Many years later, I made the mistake of confessing my past sin to someone in an effort to head off the repercussions of someone else telling this person what I struggled with in the past. It was well received; at least I thought so because the response was “well, it was in the past and everybody has sinned.” I thought I was free and clear; but; my most closely held secret was soon passed on to my enemy. I thought I would die. It became ammunition that was brutally used against me. Fortunately, those who later heard about my sins did not abandon me, at least not forever. My sin was only a single issue among others at the time. Lots of lies, accusations, and deception was going on at the time. I had to withdraw; I grieved deeply and poured out many tears to YHVH. It took a very long time for the truth to come out. I was so alone and I had no idea how it was going to turn out. Fortunately, my enemy is gone and the rest chose to love me anyway. So, all of this is to say you have to know who you can trust. I think I can be someone that people can trust with the knowledge of the struggle with serious sin because I’ve been in the hot seat myself. I pray that if anyone is experiencing the Romans 7 struggle they will be set free.
Beth sometimes the only way to be relieved from a burden is when no one will be shocked a secret. What is done in darkness can only be overcome when it is dealt with in the light. And when we use our light to be a liberty for others we radiate redemption.
The more we keep the secret the longer we take to be freed from it’s burden.
Our heritage is Adam our life is Christ…
Vulnerability without trust isn’t going to happen. But you can’t trust someone who repeatedly violates that trust. Recently, I have noticed a pattern of behavior with a friend who repeatedly keeps hurting me. I have tried to share this person’s burdens. But the pattern keeps playing itself out. I have wanted to be a real friend and walk this journey with them. I have tried to be honest and direct with them. A few days ago my friend did something that caused me pain. The pain turned into anger. Now, I just feel weary. Why? Because I have been taken hostage by this person. I have discussed boundaries with this person to no avail. I have tried to extricate myself from the relationship because of the continued deception and continued violation of trust
I have tried to disengage myself from this relationship several times because I am not being heard!
Brene Brown says disengagement is when a person begins to not care about the relationship. She says it is corrosive and far more subtle than a direct violation. I agree. A person begins to not care when he or she is not being respected and valued. And when they are not being seen or heard for the individuals they are. If we say we care but then act in ways that clearly show we don’t…well there goes trust and vulnerability out the window.
Please pray for me to resolve this situation in the way YHVH would have me do. Thank you. It has been a long time since I posted but just feel so overwhelmed by this dilemma.