The Birthday Girl
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18 NASB
To be alone – When I wrote Guardian Angel a decade ago, I wanted to correct the false claim that Paul was misogynistic. I wanted to demonstrate that the common Christian view that women are divinely restricted from certain roles was entirely mistaken. I wanted to show that the male-dominated history of humanity was not what God intended. And I wanted men to realize that the best relationship they can have with their wives comes from allowing a woman’s created design to blossom.
I also wanted to title the book, The Perfect Enemy. Fortunately, I listened to my wife. But the idea of the perfect enemy is still part of my thinking on this subject. Why? Because, like most men I know, I still struggle with the divine design of the ‘ezer kenegdo, the “helper suitable.” You see, I grew up in the Western, evangelical, male-oriented world too. I was taught that men should be leaders, if not prophets and kings. My mother was the passive-aggressive result of that same cultural ideal and her frustration left all of her sons (no daughters) with a warped sense of the feminine. “Subservient but demanding” is the best way I can put it. So you see, when I thought of “the perfect enemy,” what I meant is that the cultural roles of men and women are combative, not cooperative. It was my desire to discover that God didn’t intend this, and that He provided a path of reconciliation, of mutual fulfillment and harmony. In other words, the reason the woman (‘ezer kenegdo) is the perfect enemy is because she makes her man confront himself and his assumptions about relationships, both internal and external. She makes him recognize that “it is not good to be alone,” in every sense of the term. By the time I finished writing Guardian Angel, I understood that being alone is the single most destructive situation any of us can encounter. And yet, anecdotally, I think that’s where most of us are—alone. Oh, we have partners, but we rarely have soulmates. We have marriages, but we lost being lovers. Along the way, that person who made us feel like a flower opening to the sun became the one who still reminded us of the emotional hurdles we never overcame. It wasn’t the partner’s fault. It was simply that the partner helped us evade God’s intention. The real growth that the divine plan intended in the relationship didn’t occur because, to put it as bluntly as possible, we were afraid. We were just copying Adam after he ate from the fruit. We discovered vulnerability—and did everything possible to hide from it. In the end, it always comes back to God’s original assessment: “It is not good to be alone.” But overcoming being alone wasn’t nearly as easy as walking down the aisle.
Authors often write things that they can’t imagine they ever thought, like the poet whose words come unbidden and afterward is amazed at the stanzas. I look back on Guardian Angel and wonder, “Who wrote that?” That book was written for me, not by me, so it seems. The only consolation is that my ‘ezer kenegdo knew I thought like “The Perfect Enemy” when I needed a “Guardian Angel.” Today is her birthday. It’s very nice she shares it with me. She’s quite amazing. I have a long way to go.
Topical Index: Rosanne, ‘ezer kenegdo, Perfect Enemy, Guardian Angel, Genesis 2:18
