Package Deal
and they shall become one flesh Genesis 2:24
Flesh – We don’t like packaged deals. We want to pick and choose what we like. You like QVC; I could care less. I like Speed channel; you don’t even know it exists. But, like so many other things in life, if you want what you really like, you often have to take other things along with it. What’s available is package A, B, or C – not individual, tailor-made choices.
My friend, Terry, reminded me that marriage is a package deal. You get the whole person, all bundled together, not just the pieces that you like. You get the history, the emotions, the peculiarities and the annoying behaviors right along with the lovely, the charming and the endearing qualities. People are not programmable, at least, not by spouses. Try as we might, we usually can’t eliminate all the bad and keep just the good. To do so would give us less than a person.
We need to remember that even in the Garden, the ideal marriage was still a package deal
Hebrew tells us that a man shall leave his home of origin, the protection of his family and the obligations incumbent upon him, and cleave to his wife, his new partner for life. And the two shall become one. Literally, the text says, “and they shall become into flesh one.” Of course, we see right away that the verb hayah is in play here. They shall be manifest as one. They shall happen as one. They shall become one.
One what? The Hebrew is basar. It’s interesting that God does not say they shall become one nephesh (one person). There is no mixing of the elements of person here. Basar is the word for the physical body, the “flesh and bones” part of living things, both animal and human. Marriage produces a oneness of body, not a homogenization of persons.
Of course, since there is one basar, I have every incentive to care for it as my own. I need to nourish, protect, provide, succor, encourage, develop and basically do all that is required to achieve true shalom (well-being) in this oneness of flesh. Why wouldn’t I? It’s my basar. But this does not mean that I go about expecting (or demanding) a change in person so that there is no distinction between the nephesh of the two. It’s a package deal. The wrapping is one, the content is two. Certainly my spouse is a co-heir of the inheritance of the Kingdom (which, by the way, is not something you can put in a bank). But God graciously did not expect that my spouse and I would become a single person. He made us uniquely who we are, and invited us to take the responsibility to demonstrate His idea of loving compassionately in the closest relationship we can enjoy. Maybe that’s why it is a package deal. The perfect spouse is not just like me. The perfect spouse is the one who brings my devotion to God into living action in the life of another who shares the same wrapping.
Now you know why there are so many practical advice words in the Bible about marriage. It’s body talk, taking care of basar so you can share your nephesh. Oh, and just an after-thought. Marriage is also a symbol of the church – one “body”, many persons. Lots of individuals all wrapped together. Do you treat your church “body” like that?
